19 June 2007

How to get free potato chips

It appears that all you have to do to get free potato chips is suffer a moderate injury and write a letter.

Dear Old Dutch,

I'm not one of these cranky shut-ins who, deprived of ordinary human contact, resorts to writing angry letters to corporations. But I have to say something: your new Rave chips burned the crap out of my mouth. For your reference, the offending flavor was Salt & Vinegar.

Here's how it went. I bought a large bag and had an absentminded three or four handfuls. Then I noticed an intense stinging on my tongue. You know when you're washing the dishes and stick your hand under too-hot water, and how all you do is clench up, squint, hiss, and wait till it's over? That's what happened. In my mouth. Because of your chips.

If I had to compare it to another physical sensation, it would be this: putting salt in your mouth and electrocuting yourself, with the mouth-salt finding most of the current.

Here's the kicker (and bear in mind my first sentence): it's been two days, and my tongue still feels strange. Seriously, was there demand for this kind of flavor experience from the snacking public? The tip feels abused, like I dragged it on pavement, and there are little red spots where there weren't before.

Needless to say, I'm never buying Rave chips again. I've always bought Old Dutch, though, and would love to hear from you guys that your pumping up the acid content of your S&V wasn't just a spiteful joke by an ex-employee or something. If you wanted to send me a coupon for a big bag of Ketchup, too, that'd be cool.

Yours in mild physical distress,

John Bucher

Old Dutch, to its credit, sent me two coupons for free product, along with an apologetic letter thanking me for my "phone call."

(Extra: Another flavor of old Dutch rave.)


-Fp said...

Hey, I always associated old dutch with cleaning stuff. I was wondering why you would taste desinfectant.


No wonder why you could feel an aftertaste.

alt said...

I'm thinking you're under-employed right now. Though given your success in getting the coupons...you may just be on to something. Cutting out the middleman and getting your groceries for free seems like a good way to reduce your annual tax payments. Hmmnnn...do you think you could draft a letter to the pharmaceutical company to get me free meds now that my student coverage is running out?

Lazarus Long said...

Nothing good comes out of Holland...

JJB said...

And those coupons are still on the fridge, unused. They seem to be good for just about anything, including salsas and cheese dips.

I'm left with that feeling: when it's an open bar, what's your drink of choice?

Vdawg said...

Double vodka soda with a splash of lime. Packs a considerable low-cal punch. You're welcome.

JJB said...

And that, everyone, is my sister.

wjomlex said...

Rave Xtra Salt and Vinegar are seriously the best chips ever made.